Disappointment
I’m just dissapointed with myself and need to express it to someone.
I only got a 30 on the ACT, and because of reading. So that sucks. And I’m going to have to tell my mom. But I’m going to take the SAT in September 2012 and get a great score after studying a lot over the summer and such. So I don’t have to report the 30. It just sucks.
I seem to have magically gained 5 pounds or so from my usual average, and I have no time to shake them with AP tests and such. I think it might be muscle mass, but i’m still not comfortable with it and I want it gone.
I did not get into the National Honors Society. I will be requesting an appeal, but I don’t know how much more rejection I can take, and I will have to write an essay, and this is the absolute worst time, as it is AP test week for me.
I didn’t make PLIT for VOICE. I can still apply to VOICE, but again, I need to fill out another application during this week, AP week, and it just sucks that I won’t be getting that leadership opportunity, because leadership is basically why I didn’t get into NHS in the first place.
I know when I look back on this moment, I will think I was so silly for caring so much, but I just wish I could have that perspective now, because it’s getting hard to keep trying when I keep getting rejected and I feel like I have no control. To hear that my best isn’t good enough is so heartbreaking.
So I’m putting it here. I’m letting it go, right now. I won’t let this stop me from trying, because then its my fault. I know I have something worthwhile to offer, and nothing will ever kill my spirit.
Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing.
“
| — | The Picture of Dorian Gray; Oscar Wilde (via loveandsomeotherverses) |
Spring Morning
Where am I going? I don’t quite know.
Down to the stream where the king-cups grow —
Up on the hill where the pine-trees blow —
Anywhere, anywhere. I don’t know.
Where am I going? The clouds sail by,
Little ones, baby ones, over the sky.
Where am I going? The shadows pass,
Little ones, baby ones, over the grass.
If you were a cloud, and sailed up there,
You’d sail on water as blue as air,
And you’d see me here in the fields and say:
“Doesn’t the sky look green today?”
Where am I going? The high rooks call:
“It’s awful fun to be born at all.”
Where am I going? The ring-doves coo:
“We do have beautiful things to do.”
If you were a bird, and lived on high,
You’d lean on the wind when the wind came by,
You’d say to the wind when it took you away:
“That’s where I wanted to go today!”
Where am I going? I don’t quite know.
What does it matter where people go?
Down to the wood where the blue-bells grow —
Anywhere, anywhere. I don’t know.
